BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever..
I've been a good man to you for 27 years & I have nothing to show for
it.

These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you
quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home
& didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal
& even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, &
went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't want
sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're
cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm
gone.

Your EX-Husband
P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER Carla & I are moving away to West
Virginia together!
Have a great life!

Her letter...

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you &
I have been married for 27 years, although a good man is a far cry from
what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your
constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when
you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was
'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say
anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.. And when you
cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY
SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99
price tag was still on them and I prayed it was a coincidence that my
sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So
when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2
tickets to Jamaica , but when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling
life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures
you won't get a dime from me.

So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Wife,
Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born
Carl. I hope that's not a problem.