To The Guy Who Mugged Me

I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message.

I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, s o I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.

So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky.

If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!

Alex

======================================

GOT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SHARE?

SEND ME YOUR JUNK MAIL!

MYJUNKMAILBLOG@GMAIL.COM

======================================

How Not To Get Your Car Out Of Snow

======================================

GOT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SHARE?

SEND ME YOUR JUNK MAIL!

MYJUNKMAILBLOG@GMAIL.COM

======================================

Ultimate Camper

Now this is what I want to cruise around the country in!!!

======================================

GOT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SHARE?

SEND ME YOUR JUNK MAIL!

MYJUNKMAILBLOG@GMAIL.COM

======================================

Three Men

Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a White Trash Biker are all walking together one day.

They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', says the Genie.
The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada '

POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.

Osama was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan , Palestine , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come into our precious land.'

POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.

The Biker says, 'I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.'

The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in or out; it's virtually impenetrable.'

The Biker sits down on his Harley, cracks a beer, lites a cigar, smiles and says,
'Fill it with water.'

======================================

GOT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SHARE?

SEND ME YOUR JUNK MAIL!

MYJUNKMAILBLOG@GMAIL.COM

======================================

FAIL

======================================

GOT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SHARE?

SEND ME YOUR JUNK MAIL!

MYJUNKMAILBLOG@GMAIL.COM

======================================

Four Guys At Deer Camp

Four guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The other two said, 'Man, what happened to you?'

He said, 'Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.'

The next night it was the second guy's turn. In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. The other two said, 'Man, what happened to you? You look awful!'

He said, 'Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I sat up and watched him all night.'

The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. 'Good morning,' he said.

The other two couldn't believe it! He looked rested and wide awake. They asked, 'Man, what happened?'

He said, 'Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed, patted his ass and kissed him good night. Daryl sat up and watched me all night.'

======================================

GOT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SHARE?

SEND ME YOUR JUNK MAIL!

MYJUNKMAILBLOG@GMAIL.COM

======================================

The Baconator!

My buddy, Chadd, had a Super Bowl Party at his house a made this tasty treat.

Bacon - wrapped by a lot sausage with BBQ Sauce - wrapped by a layer of bacon!

They don't have pictures of the cooked product, but he is going to make it again soon and send me the pics. I think they need some time for the cholesterol to clear their arteries.

======================================

GOT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SHARE?

SEND ME YOUR JUNK MAIL!

MYJUNKMAILBLOG@GMAIL.COM

======================================

An Italian Pregnancy

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, 'Who was the pig that did this to you? I wanna know!'

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair, impeccably dressed in an Armani suit, steps out of a Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them:

'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him....

'You gonna try again?!'

======================================

GOT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SHARE?

SEND ME YOUR JUNK MAIL!

MYJUNKMAILBLOG@GMAIL.COM

======================================

How Touching

They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the
length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears,

She is quite impressed by his sensitive side, but doesn't mention this to him. They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself
thinking, 'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!

Maybe he could be the future father of my children?'

She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips..

He responds warmly.

They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each others clothes and make hot, steamy love. She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known. After an intense, explosive night
of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.

The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, 'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:

'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'

======================================

GOT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SHARE?

SEND ME YOUR JUNK MAIL!

MYJUNKMAILBLOG@GMAIL.COM

======================================

The Answer We've All Been Waiting For...

THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION WE HAVE ALL BEEN HEARING AND ASKING FOR SO MANY YEARS! AND THE ANSWER IS: YES!

======================================

GOT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SHARE?

SEND ME YOUR JUNK MAIL!

MYJUNKMAILBLOG@GMAIL.COM

======================================

Today Chuckle

You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart. The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop. As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and that's when you remember: you've been listening to your ipod.

======================================

GOT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SHARE?

SEND ME YOUR JUNK MAIL!

MYJUNKMAILBLOG@GMAIL.COM

======================================

More Funny Pics

======================================

GOT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SHARE?

SEND ME YOUR JUNK MAIL!

MYJUNKMAILBLOG@GMAIL.COM

======================================