San Francisco Bike Parade (Warning: Naked People Ahead)

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The kid's face in the pic below is PRICELESS!!!

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8 reasons you should NOT take the kids to the zoo

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Taxes

Tax his land,
Tax his bed
Tax the table
At which he's fed.

Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.

Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries, then
Tax his tears.

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers,
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore ..

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid.

Put these words
upon his tomb,
" Taxes drove me
to my doom..."

When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.

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Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment T! ax (FUTA )
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
PropertyTax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge Tax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Sales Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Loc al Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago,
and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.

We had absolutely no national debt,
had the largest middle income group in the world,
and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What the hell happened?
Can you spell "politicians!"

And, on top of that,
we still have to "press 1" for English!!!

I hope this goes around the USA more times than we can count!

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Bad Day on the Job

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The Remote Joke

One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner.

He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back.

He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.

Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.

He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle stroking then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same to her right thigh.

By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.

The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.

Why are you stopping'? She whispered.

He whispered back, 'I found the remote'.

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Dear Dad...

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love your son,

Joshua

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk.

Call when it is safe for me to come home.

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Redneck Mansion

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Bud Light French Maid

This is funny...

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SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEARS ON THE COMPUTER...I NOW HAVE TO...

I have to scrub the top of every can I open.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates / Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes

I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer

I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... disfiguring me for life

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with an infected needle

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe

I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt

I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

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Black or Jewish

A little boy has a Jewish mother and a Black father , and he goes to his mother and asks. "Am I more Black or more Jewish?" She thinks on this for a while and says, this is something that you are going to have to ask your father. So when his father comes home, he asks the question. Am I more Black or more Jewish? The father thinks on this for a long time, and not knowing how to answer the question, stalls by asking what do you want to know for? The little boy says, "well there's this kid at school that has a bicycle for sale and I want to know if I should Jew him down or just steal the motherfucker."

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Too good to drink!

Somebody has wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too much time on their hands. There is a restaurant in Vancouver, actually three, where they dress up the lattes. You get to watch them create the pictures. What can be done with coffee, cream, milk & imagination.

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Blonde and Trucker

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Rhonda and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window.

As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Rhonda, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, and knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window.

Again she says "Hi, my name is Rhonda, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...

"Hi, my name is George, it's winter in Buffalo and I'm driving the salt truck!"

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How to have a heartattack

Yeah... I would love to see some fat bastard on a dance pad trying to get through this.

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2007 Tax Reminder

Important tax reminder:
Don't forget to pay your taxes............

21 million illegal aliens are depending on you!

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Big Balls Airlines

Flying the friendly skies????

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New Airline...Lynx Jet

I hope they will have flights to New Jersey!

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The Fourth Marriage

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.

"He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer, quite astonished, asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

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The Frozen Town

This incredible spectacle you are about to see, takes place in Versoix, a town close to Geneva City, Switzerland. The water in the background is the Leman Lake.

(A Special "Thank You" to Roxanne for sending us this Junk Mail! Send your Junk Mail to myjunkmailblog@gmail.com. If we use it, we will put your name on it too.)

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