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Check out this Happy New Year ad:
Here is the making of the ad. It took 288,000 candles.
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Position: Surveyor
Salary: $200 per hour (tax-free)
Qualification: Must be fast on your feet 
Isn't it comforting to know that when you are about to become a bear's breakfast your buddy is standing there taking photos?
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This is unreal. The artist makes sculptures in the eye of a needle.
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I laughed my ass off at this video!
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This video is a little grainy, but you have to hear this guy play the harmonica.
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After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, and He doesn't travel light, the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb
'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver,
'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'
'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today.'
'I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.
'There might be something extra in it for you,' says the Pope.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.
'Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. 'Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license,' moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes Back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.
'So bust him,' says the Chief.
'I don't think we want to do that - he's really important,' said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed, 'All the more reason!'
'No, I mean really important,' said the cop.
The Chief then asked, 'Who have you got there, the Mayor?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: 'Governor?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
'Well,' said the Chief, 'Who is it?'
Cop: 'I think it's God!'
Chief: 'What makes you think it's God?'
Cop: 'He's got the f**ing Pope as a chauffeur!'
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A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.
All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears. 'What's wrong?' asked the mother. 'I was taking a tinkle and this bullet
came out,' replied the daughter.
The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago
About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. 'Mom,
I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out.' Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.
A week later her son walked into the room in tears. 'It's okay' said the Mom, 'I know what happened You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out.'
'No,' said the boy, 'I was playing with myself and I shot the dog.'
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And just to prove I'm not making this up:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fucking,_Austria
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This chick is amazing.
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I totally forgot to also wish all of you a Happy Chanukah! To celebrate, here are two of my favorite Chanukah songs. Take it away Adam Sandler!
The Origianl
The Second Song
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To Everyone:
My you have a safe and wonderful Christmas with your families. Also, "Thank You" for reading my blog and passing the word along about it.
Sincerely,
Charles
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A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, 'Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag.'
'Oh, really? Darn!' said the little old lady. 'I'd better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me.'
'Well, now, not so fast,' says the cop. 'How did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?'
'Oh, no', said the little old lady. 'Yo u see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence, I say, '$20 or off it comes'.
'Well, that seems only fair' laughs the cop. OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?'
'Well, you know, not everybody pays'.
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Hey Everyone:
Charles here. The man behind My Junk Mail. I just want you to know that I messed up on yesterday's post for the Antiques Roadshow for Men (guess my wife was right when she said I wasn't perfect). Seems I posted the same video from the day before. I don't know how I managed to do that, but it's fixed.
I wanted to post this message about the mess up for all of your who get My Junk Mail by email daily. Anyway, click the link below and you can view the "correct" post. Again, sorry for the screw up and I hope not to do it again (because I still think I'm perfect).
http://myjunkmail.blogspot.com/2008/12/antiques-roadshow-for-men.html
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A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours, and got horrible sunburn,
specifically to his upper legs.
He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, doctor'?
The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs.'
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No picture, just sound...but funny as hell.
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COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT : Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Window's.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COS TELLO: I get a bundle o f money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on 'START'
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Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It's Braille for 'suck here'.
Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under.'
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Good year.
Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them.
Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING ?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch...
AND:
Q: WHAT IS A MAN'S ULTIMATE EMBARASSMENT?
A : Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose
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This is a great example of how "good" your date looks the more you drink. Click the link below. Don't worry, the site doesn't have any spyware or spam on it.
http://mithuro.com/presscuefiles/january/beer_goggle.swf
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A kid with a cello, a girl with a harp and another kid with some small guitar singing "Video Killed The Radio Star" in a park. And to be honest...they aren't bad.
FYI: This "band" is called The Wrong Trousers and you can find more about them here: http://www.myspace.com/thewrongtrousers
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Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the n ext door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great!' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slid e up h er leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak .'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, opportunities for advancement will pass right by you.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world'
Puff! He's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pinacoladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! She's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my drop pings? ' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and shit on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all war m and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THIS CONCLUDES THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT CLASS.
THANK YOU.
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Pay attention to the old man in the middle. This guy has the most funniest laugh you will ever hear. I always to start to crack up when I watch this.
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This theft is a genius! I'm gonna make sure I'm not his next victim.
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A man went to the doctor and the doctor told him, "Sir, I have bad news, you are going to die soon"
The man said, "well that is just terrible, what should I do?"
The doctor told him, "You should take 3 mud baths every day"
The man said, "well, how is that going to help me?"
The doctor says, "It will get you used to the dirt"
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The following is an actual question given on a Yale University chemistry final exam.
The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law that gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that, if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell. Because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay constant, the volume of Hell must expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Sandra during my freshman year, that “it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,” and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is endothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is extinct…leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being - which explains why, last night, Sandra kept shouting “Oh my God.”
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY “A”.
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This is kinds old, but still I wonder how it was done.
Most Amazing Illusion Ever
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Check out the guy in the chair in the back of the news reporter.
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Watch The Waiter - Click here for the funniest movie of the week
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I dedicate this post to my brother, Tony! He is a hugh Guitar Hero fan.
This is amazing! A guy ride his bike while playing a song. Now, as he is riding his bike and the song is playing there are notes on the ground which are setup like Guitar Hero. The time involved in setting this up and timing the ride of the bike is unreal. This is the most unique and talented video I have ever seen.
Bike Hero - Watch more free videos
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Hey Everyone:
I just wanted to let you all know that I reached my first milestone with My Junk Mail. Today's post (not this one) is the 500th post to the site. Thank you all for contributing! Keep emailing me your junk mail!
Sincerely,
Charles
The man behind My Junk Mail
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A contestant on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money.
As she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover: Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?
Is it:
A) the condor;
B) the buzzard;
C) the cuckoo; or
D) the vulture?
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline, and the woman had hoped against hope that she would not have to use it because the only friend that she knew would be home happened to be a blonde. But the contestant had no alternative.
She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.
The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: The cuckoo."
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had
given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, it would seem to be the logical thing to do. On the other hand, the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.
"I need an answer," said Regis.
"C: The cuckoo."
"Is that your final answer?" asked Regis.
"Yes, that is my final answer."
Two seconds later, Regis said, "I regret to inform you that the answer is.... absolutely correct. You are now a millionaire!"
A few days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars. "Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "Because of your knowing the answer to that final question, I am now a millionaire. And do you want to know something?
It was the assuredness with which you answered the question that convinced me to go with your choice. By the way, how did you happen to know the right answer?"
"Oh, come on." said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."
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Yes, believe it or not, today is my birthday! Yup, made it to 33 years old (head to believe). In case you all didn't know, I also have a twin brother, Tony (Happy Birthday Bro!!!). So, to celebrate I want to share with everyone two of our best photos:
BEFORE:
AFTER:
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Jennifer and Jim kept getting Huge water bills. They knew beyond a doubt that the bills weren't representative of their actual usage, and no matter how they tried to conserve water, the high bills continued. They could see nothing wrong, they had everything checked for leaks or problems: the water meter, outdoor pipes, indoor pipes, underground pipes, faucets, toilets, washer, ice maker, etc., all to no avail!
One day Jim stayed home in bed, but kept hearing water running downstairs. He finally got out of his sick bed to investigate, and stumbled onto the cause of the bills. Apparently this was happening all day long when they were at work. Knowing that few wou ld believe him, he taped a segment of this outrageous 'problem' for posterity:
You won't believe this!
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I found a local escort who charges by the inch! Obviously, I can't afford her, but thought she would be a cheap date for you.
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During a lecture on Essential Oils, they told us how the foot soles can absorb oils. Their example: Put garlic on your feet and within 20 minutes you can 'taste' it.
Some of us have used Vicks Vapo rub for years for everything from chapped lips to sore toes and many body parts in between. But I've never heard of this. And don't laugh, it works 100% of the time, although the scientists who discovered it aren't sure why. To stop night time coughing in a child (or adult as we found out personally), put Vicks Vapo rub generously on the bottom of the feet at bedtime, then cover with socks. Even persistent, heavy, deep coughing will stop in about 5 minutes and stay stopped for many, many hours of relief. Works 100% of the time and is more effective in children than even very strong prescription cough medicines. In addition it is extremely soothing and comforting and they will sleep soundly.
Just happened to tune in A.M. Radio and picked up this guy talking about why cough medicines in kids often do more harm than good, due to the chemical makeup of these strong drugs so, I listened. It was a surprise finding and found to be more effective than prescribed medicines for children at bedtime, in addition to have a soothing and calming effect on sick children who then went on to sleep soundly.
My wife tried it on herself when she had a very deep constant and persistent cough a few weeks ago and it worked 100%! She said that it felt like a warm blanket had enveloped her, coughing stopped in a few minutes and believe me, this was a deep, (incredibly annoying!) every few seconds uncontrollable cough, and she slept cough-free for hours every night that she used it.
If you have grandchildren, pass this on. If you end up sick, try it yourself and you will be absolutely amazed at how it work.
DON'T SHUN THIS ONE.. TRY IT THE NEXT TIME YOU GET A BAD COLD.
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Really well done magic card trick. Visit this guy's site at www.wtfmagic.com.
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