Tetris

I only wish I was this good...

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Traffic Camera

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding.... Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace...

Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt..

You can't fix stupid.

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The Receptionist

There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you, in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.

'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'

The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.

The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'

'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.
'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'

'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter.

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Mental Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized"

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

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This Is Just Funny

Like I said, I really don't like posting too many political jokes and stuff, but some of the crap everyone sends me is just too funny not to post.

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Happy Birthday To My Brother and I!!!

Just wanted to announce that today my twin brother, Tony, and I have turned the big 34. Yes, life is slipping by at a fast pace, but we're still having fun!

Yeah...we were cute kids.


Just look at us now!


Happy Birthday Bro! I love ya and let's get together tonight for some beers!

If you get a chance, visit his sight www.ripsdomain.com and wish him a Happy Birthday!

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Kinetic Rube Goldberg

This is actually the coolest video I have seen in a long time.

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Piano Stairs

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Priceless!

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Girl Scouts

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Swine Flu

3 years ago, Chinese calendar; year of the cow .....Mad Cow disease.

2 years ago, Chinese calendar; year of the bird .....Avian flu.

This year, Chinese calendar; year of the pig .... swine flu.

Next year is the year of the cock ..........Anybody else worried?

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Where to put Obama's picture

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98 And No Enemies

All women should live so long as to be this kind of old lady!

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, ' How many of you have forgiven your enemies? '

80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

'Mrs. Neely?'; ' Are you not willing to forgive your enemies? '

I don't have any. 'She replied, smiling sweetly.

'Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you? '

'Ninety-eight, 'she replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.

'Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world? '

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said, ' I outlived the bitches. '

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Senior Health Care Solution

So you're a senior citizen and the government says no health care for you, what do you do?

My plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives, preferably Democrats, but several Republicans have also been singled out. Of course, this means you will be sent to prison, where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need. New teeth? No problem. Need glasses? Done. New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart? All covered.

And who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes anymore.

IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?!

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Rejected Fatalities - Mortal Kombat

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Great Card Trick

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Bubba's Resimay

My Resimay

To hoom it mae cunsern,

I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper.

I kin Type realee qwik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

I think I am good on the fone and I no I am a pepole person, Pepole realee seam to reespond too me well. Certain men and all the ladies.

I no my spelling is not too good but find that I Offen can get a job wit my persinalety.

My salerery is open so we kin discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,

I kin start emeditely. Thank yoo in advanse fore yore anser.

hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.

Sinseerly,

Bubba

PS: Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me.




Employer's response:

Dear Bubba:

It's O K, Honey. We've got spell check.

See you Monday.

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CANSTRUCTION

Architects and engineers compete to see whose team can build the most spectacular structure using little more than cans of food at 'Canstruction,' the 13th annual NYC Design and Build competition in New York.

All these cans will go to the food bank afterwards.

Scroll down and enjoy

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Buy or Lease...

Purchasing

The math on the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce is as follows:
After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million.
Assuming he got sex every night during their 5 year relationship it ended up costing him $26,849 per time.

This is Heather..

Looks a little like Dick Cheney with a wig

Leasing

On the other hand, New York Governor Elliot Spitzer's hooker, Kristen, an absolute stunner with a body like no other, charges $4,000 an hour. For anything!

This is Kristen.

Had Paul McCartney "employed" Kristen for 5 years, he would have paid $7.3 million for an hour of sex every night for 5 years (a $41.7 million savings).

Value-added benefits are: a 22 year old hot babe, no begging, no coaxing, never a headache, plays all requests, no bitching and complaining or 'honey-do' lists. Best of all, she leaves when you're done, and comes back when asked. All at 1/7th the cost, and no legal fees.

Sometimes leasing just makes more sense.

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Happy Turkey Day!

Wishing you and your families a Happy Thanksgiving!

Sincerely,

Charles
My Junk Mail Blogger

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