Watermelon Shell Sculptures (PICS)

Some of these are amazing!

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Fun with Spitzer (PICS)

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NSFW: Cool Paint Job (PIC)

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Those Sneaky Marines - Look Closely (PICS)

Check out the design on the helicopter.

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Send An Enemy Or Friend Some Poop (LINKS)

O My God! I wish I would have thought of this website. Send some people you know some poop!

http://www.poopsenders.com

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The Irish Man On The Island

One day an Irishman who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, 'It's certainly not a ship.' And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat or even a raft.

Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure. Putting aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde! The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, 'Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?'

'Ten years,' replied the amazed Irishman. With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproofed pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit, and pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag. 'Faith and begorra,'said the man, 'that is so good I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!'

'And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Irish whiskey' asked the blonde

Trembling, the castaway replied, 'Ten years.'

Hearing that, the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve unzips a pocket there and removes a flask and hands it to him. He opened the flask and took a long drink. 'Tis nectar of the gods!' stated the Irishman. 'Tis truly fantastic!!!'

At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long f ront of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, 'And how long has it been since you played around?'

With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed;,

'Sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too!'

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How To Lower Gas Prices

THIS IS NOT THE 'DON'T BUY' GAS FOR ONE DAY, BUT IT WILL SHOW YOU HOW WE CAN GET GAS BACK DOWN TO $1.30 PER GALLON.

This was sent by a retired Coca Cola executive. It came from one of his engineer buddies who retired from Halliburton. If you are tired of the gas prices going up AND they will continue to rise this summer, take time to read this please.

Phillip Hollsworth offered this good idea. This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the "don't buy gas on a certain day" campaign that was going around last April or May! It's worth your consideration. Join the resistance!!!!

I hear we are going to hit close to $ 4.00 a gallon by next summer, and it might go higher!! Want gasoline prices to come down?

We need to take some intelligent, united action. The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to "hurt" ourselves by refusing to buy gas.

It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them. BUT, whoever thought of this idea has come up with a plan that can really work. Please read on and join with us!

By now you're probably thinking gasoline priced at about $2.00 is super cheap. Me too! It is currently $3.19 for regular unleaded in my town.

Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the cost of a gallon of gas is CHEAP at $1.50 - $1.75, we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the marketplace, not sellers.

With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we consumers need to take action.

The only way we are going to see the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in the pocketbook by not purchasing their gas! And, we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves.

How? Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying gas.

But we CAN have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a price war.

Here's the idea: For the rest of this year, DON'T purchase ANY gasoline from the two biggest companies (which now are one), EXXON and MOBIL. And under no circumstances buy from CITCO. If they are not selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit.

But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of Exxon and Mobil gas buyers. It's really simple to do! Now, don't wimp out on me at this point...keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!!

I am sending this note to 30 people. If each of us send it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300) ... and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x10 = 3,000)...and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth group of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers. If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted!

If it goes one level further, you guessed it..... THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!!

Again, all you have to do is send this to 10 people. That's all!

(If you don't understand how we can reach 300 million and all you have to do is send this to 10 people.... Well, let's face it, you just aren't a mathematician. But I am . so trust me on this one.

How long would all that take? If each of us sends this e-mail out to ten more people within one day of receipt, all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!!

I'll bet you didn't think you and I had that much potential, did you! Acting together we can make a difference.

If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on. I suggest that we not buy from EXXON/MOBIL UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE $2.00 RANGE AND KEEP THEM DOWN. THIS CAN REALLY WORK.

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Personality Test

There is a very, very tall coconut tree, and there are 4 animals:

King Kong, Ape, Orangutan and a Monkey pass by.

They have a competition to see who is the fastest to get the banana.

Who do you guess will win?

Your answer will reflect your personality. Try and answer within 30 seconds

Got your answer? Scroll down to see the analysis.



















If your answer is ....

Orangutan = dull/stupid
Ape = foolish
Monkey = idiot
King Kong = stupid

Why?????

Coconut trees don't have bananas!!
Obviously you're stressed and overworked. Take some time off, relax and browse the rest of My Junk Mail!!

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Mixed Messages (VIDEO)

Hey all! This video was sent to me by Sydney Hollis who wrote and directed it. This is a funny look at office life. Check it out.

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NSFW: Victoria's Secret? (PIC)

After years of suspense...

The Question of the Day is,

'What, exactly, is Victoria's Secret?'

The Answer Is...

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Da Vinci Code (PICS)

Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols:



It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least three thousand years old!



The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.



The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said: "This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.
The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them."



Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn't grow, they seek food from the sea. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.



The audience applauded enthusiastically.

Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said, "Idiots, Hebrew is read from right to left......
It says: "Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Chick"

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Crappy Escape Plan (PIC)

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Bud Light: Time To Cut The Cheese (VIDEO)

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NSFW: Another Reason Not To Take Your Kids To The Zoo (PICS)

Another reason not to take your kids to the zoo.

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The Most Functional English Word

Well, it's shit. That's right, shit!

Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit.

Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.

There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.

You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.

You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.

And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!

You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't
give a shit!

Well, Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head...Well, Shit Happens!!!

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Irish Viagra

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husband's libido.
"What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.
"Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin."
"Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an 'Irish Viagra'. It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."
It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who inquired as to her progress.
The poor dear exclaimed, "T'was horrid, Just terrible, doctor!"
"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slopped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediated. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and right there...passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean you didn't enjoy it?"
"Twas the best I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sitting here, I'll never be able to show my face in Starbucks again!"

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Irish Priest

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, “Sir, have you been drinking?”

“Just water,” says the priest.

The trooper says, “Then why do I smell wine?”

The priest looks at the bottle and says, “Good Lord! He's done it again!”

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NSFW: New Canadian Dollars - WARNING: Boobies Ahead (PICS)

WARNING: Boobies ahead!

Darned clever, these Canadians! Perhaps Australia, America and Europe should consider changing their currencies too.

Due to the global war on terrorism, many terrorist organizations have had their finances frozen. Consequently, they have resorted to counterfeiting.

The Canadians have decided to redesign their currency to prevent the radical Muslims from even touching it! It is also hoped that this will have a positive effect on tourism.

Muslim terrorists have to kill themselves if they see a naked woman, those Canadians always find the solution! Must be the pure water up there in the North.

Click image to make bigger (You know you want to you pervert).

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Accident Warning Sign On Highway (PICS)

Here is an accident warning sign I would like to see.

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Duct Tape: Use #317 (PICS)

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Easter Bunny OWNED (PICS)

Couple of pics with Easter Bunny Ownage

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WRECKED A340-600 at TULOUSE FRANCE (PICS)

These are pictures of the wreck of a brand new A340-600 in November 2007, that had never flown. (never saw (1) hour in the air) Thank the French and their Arab friends for this bit of 'comedy of errors'. Nine employees of the Arab airline were in the aircraft, but 'no employees' from Airbus were present.

The Arabs taxied out to the run-up area. Then they took all four engines to takeoff power with virtually an empty aircraft. (They obviously didn't read the run-up manuals.) No chocks were set, (not that it would have mattered at that power setting). Brakes will not hold it back at full power anyway.

As it turns out the takeoff warning horn was blaring away in the cockpit because they had all FOUR engines at full power. The aircraft computers thought they were trying to takeoff but it had not been configured properly (flaps/slats, etc, etc).
Then one of these brain surgeons decided to pull the 'Ground Sense' circuit breaker to quiet the alarms. This fools the aircraft into thinking it is in the air.
A big, big mistake! As soon as they did that, the computers automatically 'released' all the brakes (this is a Safety feature so that pilots don't land with the brakes
on).

There was No time to stop and no one smart enough thought to reduce the max power setting. So the rest is as you see it below. No one is talking, so who knows if there were survivors.

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Holy Crap! (PICS)

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