Spermatozoides

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Four Stages Of Life

Yep! That about sums it up!

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A Horse, A Chicken And A Harley

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.

Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving
his life.

The moral of the story? (Yep, you betcha, there is a moral!)

"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks"

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Home Security

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Three Little Pigs

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.

The waiter came and took their drink order.

'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy..

'I would like a Coke,' said t he second little piggy.

'I want water, lots and lots of water,' said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy.

'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy.

'I want water, lots and lots of water,' said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy.

'I want a cheesecake,' said the second piggy.

'I want water, lots and lots of water,' exclaimed the third little piggy.

'Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter to the third little piggy,'

But why have you only ordered water all evening?'

You're gonna LOVE this....

The third piggy says -

'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!'

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When A Picture Is Not Just A Picture

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Sometime You Just Know...

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Preventing Credit Card Fraud

SCENE 1

People sure stay busy trying to cheat us, don't they?

A friend went to the local gym and placed his belongings in the locker.

After the work out and a shower, he came out, saw the locker open, and thought to himself, 'Funny, I thought I locked the locker'. Hmm, He dressed and just flipped the wallet to make sure all was in order.

Everything looked okay - all cards were in place.

A few weeks later his credit card bill came - a whooping bill of $14,000!

He called the credit card company and started yelling at them, saying that he did not make the transactions.

Customer care personnel verified that there was no Mistake in the system
and asked if his card had been stolen.

'No,' he said, but then took out his wallet, pulled out the credit card, and yep - you guessed it - a switch had been made.

An expired similar credit card from the same bank was in the wallet.

The thief broke into his locker at the gym and switched cards.


Verdict: The credit card issuer said since he did not report the card missing earlier, he would have to pay the amount owed to them.

How much did he have to pay for items he did not buy?
$9,000! Why were there no calls made to verify the amount swiped?

Small amounts rarely trigger a 'warning bell' with some credit card companies.

It just so happens that all the small amounts added up to big one!


SCENE 2

A man at a local restaurant paid for his meal with his credit card.

The bill for the meal came, he signed it,and the waitress folded the receipt and passed the credit card along.

Usually, he would just take it and place it in his wallet or pocket. Funny enough, though, he actually took a look at the card and, lo and behold, it was the expired card of another person.

He called the waitress and she looked perplexed.

She took it back, apologized, and hurried back to the counter under the watchful eye of the man.

All the waitress did while walking to the counter was wave the wrong expired card to the counter cashier, and the counter cashier immediately look ed down and took out the real card.

No exchange of words --- nothing! She took it and came back to the man with an apology.


Verdict:
Make sure the credit cards in your wallet are yours...

Check the name on the card every time you sign for something and/or the card is taken away for even a short period of time.

Many people just take back the credit card without even looking at it, 'assuming' that it has to be theirs.

FOR YOUR OWN SAKE, DEVELOP THE HABIT OF CHECKING YOUR CREDIT CARD EACH TIME IT IS RETURNED TO YOU AFTER A TRANSACTION!


SCENE 3

Yesterday I went into a pizza restaurant to pick up an order that I had called in.

I paid by using my Visa Check Card which, of course, is linked directly to my checking account.

The young man behind the counter took my card, swiped it, then laid it on the counter as he waited for the approval, which is pretty standard procedure.

While he waited, he picked up his cell phone and started dialing.

I noticed the phone because it is the same model I have, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Then I heard a click that sounded like my phone sounds when I take a picture.

He then gave me back my card but kept the phone in his hand as if he was still pressing buttons.

Meanwhile, I'm thinking: I wonder what he is taking a picture of, oblivious to what was really going on.

It then dawned on me: the only thing there was my credit card, so now I'm paying close attention to what he is doing.

He set his phone on the counter, leaving it open.

About five seconds later, I heard the chime that tells you that the picture has been saved.

Now I'm standing there struggling with the fact that this boy just took a picture of my credit card.

Yes, he played it off well, because had we not had the same kind of phone, I probably would never have known what happened.

Needless to say, I immediately canceled that card as I was walking out of the pizza parlor.

All I am saying is, be aware of your surroundings at all times.

Whenever you are using your credit card take caution and don't be careless.

Notice who is standing near you and what they are doing when you use your card.

Be aware of phones, because many have a camera phone these days.

Never let your card out of your sight...Check and check again!

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The Most Economic Car In The World

Better than Electric Car - 258 miles/gallon: IPO 2010 in Shanghai

This is a single seated car

From conception to production: 3 years and the company is headquartered in Hamburg, Germany.

Will be selling for 4000 yuan, equivalent to $600 USD.

Gas tank capacity = 1.7 gallons

Speed = 62 - 74.6 Miles/hour

Fuel efficiency = 258 miles/gallon

Travel distance with a full tank = 404 miles

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The Lastest Tech

Click the link below to download the Powerpoint Presentation.

http://www.box.net/shared/n9ho6e75cn

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He Said...She Said

He said to me...I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
I said to him...You wear pants don't you?

He said to me... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him...Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said to me...Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him...They don't have time!

He said to me...Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good- looking?
I said to him...They already have boyfriends.

I said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
He said...A widow.

He said to me...Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him...Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

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Presidental Jeopardy

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Pamukkale

Really beautiful slideshow. Click the link to download the PowerPoint presentation. There are no viruses.

http://www.box.net/shared/l7qxclfucb

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Model Sues Mexican Surgeon

UPDATE: Seems I screwed up here. I thought I uploaded the edited version of the photo, but I didn't and the unedited photo was published. Sorry, if I offended anyone, but I'm not perfect (although I tell my wife I am).


Click on the image to enlarge. Sorry, but had to make the post Safe For Work

Here is a link to the "unedited photo" for all you perverts out there :-)

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEt7zxycfhVJflJ9MnHsZDc9hz9xztmXcbbqFHSIe-qHScuTP0ZPmpGQ5ithlLRnaNLGzSfdv_lIlXhhSaEMp8MxupdZuFBVL4ou-8uZQyveHRLdauD42-cP1xyB9E0P7xxzr2j8V9FNk/s1600-h/1.jpg

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Bob

Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league.

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?'

'I recognize her - she's the waitress from the golf club.

I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says,

'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it .

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says,

'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'

Bob's funeral will be on Friday.

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Budweiser Tribute Commercial - Respect

Here is the famous commercial Budweiser produced after 9/11. They aired it only once during Super Bowl XXXVI in January 2002.

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Italian Police Lamborghini

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Cougar Barbie

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Why Babies Have Mothers

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Coconut Crab

(Note from Charles: I would crap my pants if I saw this thing in front of me)

Coconut Crab (Birgus latro) is the largest terrestrial arthropod in the world. It is known for its ability to crack coconuts with its strong pincers in order to eat the contents.

It is sometimes called the robber crab because some coconut crabs are rumored to steal shiny items such as pots and silverware from houses and tents.

The second photo gives you a good idea of how large these crabs are - a coconut crab is seeking food from a black trashcan.




The coconut crab is a large edible land crab related to the hermit crab, and are found in the tropical Indian and Pacific Oceans. They eat coconuts for a living! How would you like to be on an island and come across a crab that is more than 3 feet from head to tail and weighs up to 40 pounds, with a pair of large pincers strong enough to open coconuts! They can climb trees too, but they only eat coconuts that have already fallen to the ground. Coconut crab meat has been considered a local delicacy.

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$164 Million Dollar Lottery Winner

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Generations

We all know...

People born before 1946 are called The Silent generation,

Folks born between 1946 and 1959 are called Baby Boomers,

People born between 1960 and 1979 are called Generation X,

And young people born between 1980 and present are called Generation Y.


Do you know why we call the last one generation Y?

The cartoon below explains it perfectly...

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What A Country!

Can you believe it?
Man wins Georgia lottery on Wednesday,
and finds the love of his life two days later.
Talk about luck!!



Is America A Great Country Or What!?

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You Might Be Having A Bad Day If...

1. You woke up in a strange place


2. Your new diet doesn't seem to be working


3. You pulled a muscle while trying to exercise


4. Your new hat looked better on you at the store


5. You keep losing things


6. You feel like you're in the wrong place at the wrong time


7. The boss chewed you out at work


8. You got caught in the rain at lunchtime


9. You feel trapped somehow


10. Traffic on the way home was brutal


11. You think you might be coming down with the flu


12. You're home alone and you hear a noise in the basement

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How to Be Jason Bourne: Multiple Passports, Swiss Banking, and Crossing Borders

Great article, but please use the information for entertainment purposes only.

http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/2009/03/03/how-to-be-jason-bourne-multiple-passports-swiss-banking-and-crossing-borders/

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Spacing Needed

Please remember to space your word properly. People can confuse what you are trying to say.

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Bill Photos

Very creative use of money. Click to enlarge.

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Where Would You Be?

WHERE WOULD YOU BE:

IF - YOU HAD ALL THE MONEY YOUR HEART DESIRES?

IF - YOU HAD NO WORRIES?

IF - YOU CAME HOME AND THE FINEST MEAL IS AWAITING YOU?

IF - YOUR BATH WATER HAD BEEN RUN?

IF - YOU HAD THE PERFECT KIDS OR PETS?

IF - YOUR PARTNER WAS AWAITING YOU,
WITH OPEN ARMS AND KISSES?

SO, WHERE WOULD YOU BE?

Well... HELLOOooo!!!!!!!!!



YOU'D BE IN THE WRONG DAMN HOUSE!

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Did You Know?

Fantastic video on the progression of information technology, researched by Karl Fisch, Scott McLeod, and Jeff Brenman.

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PlasticMan

This guy can dance!

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Food As Medicine

HEADACHE? EAT FISH!
Eat plenty of fish -- fish oil helps prevent headaches.
So does ginger, which reduces inflammation and pain.

HAY FEVER? EAT YOGURT!
Eat lots of yogurt before pollen season.
Also eat honey from your area (local region) daily.

TO PREVENT STROKE DRINK TEA!
Prevent build-up of fatty deposits on artery walls with regular doses of tea (actually, tea suppresses appetite and keeps the pounds from invading... Green tea is great for our immune system)!

INSOMNIA (CAN'T SLEEP?) HONEY!
Use honey as a tranquilizer and sedative.

ASTHMA? EAT ONIONS!!!!
Eating onions helps ease constriction of bronchial tubes (onion packs place on chest helped the respiratory ailments and actually made breathing better).

ARTHRITIS? EAT FISH, TOO!!
Salmon, tuna, mackerel and sardines actually prevent arthritis (fish has omega oils, good for our immune system)

UPSET STOMACH? BANANAS - GINGER!!!!!
Bananas will settle an upset stomach.
Ginger will cure morning sickness and nausea.

BLADDER INFECTION? DRINK CRANBERRY JUICE!!!!
High-acid cranberry juice controls harmful bacteria.

BONE PROBLEMS? EAT PINEAPPLE!!!
Bone fractures and osteoporosis can be prevented by the manganese in pineapple.

MEMORY PROBLEMS? EAT OYSTERS!
Oysters help improve your mental functioning by supplying much-needed zinc.

COLDS? EAT GARLIC!
Clear up that stuffy head with garlic (remember, garlic lowers cholesterol, too).

COUGHING? USE RED PEPPERS!!
A substance similar to that found in the cough syrups is found in hot red pepper. Use red (cayenne) pepper with caution-it can irritate your tummy.

BREAST CANCER? EAT WHEAT BRAN AND CABBAGE
Helps to maintain estrogen at healthy levels.

LUNG CANCER? EAT DARK GREEN AND ORANGE AND VEGGIES!!!
A good antidote is beta carotene, a form of Vitamin A found in dark green and orange vegetables.

ULCERS? EAT CABBAGE ALSO!!!
Cabbage contains chemicals that help heal both gastric and duodenal ulcers.

DIARRHEA? EAT APPLES!
Grate an apple with its skin, let it turn brown and eat it to cure this condition (Bananas are good for this ailment).

CLOGGED ARTERIES? EAT AVOCADO!
Mono unsaturated fat in avocados lowers cholesterol.

HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE? EAT CELERY AND OLIVE OIL!!!
Olive oil has been shown to lower blood pressure.
Celery contains a chemical that lowers pressure too.

BLOOD SUGAR IMBALANCE? EAT BROCCOLI AND PEANUTS!!!
The chromium in broccoli and peanuts helps regulate insulin and blood sugar.

Kiwi: Tiny but mighty. This is a good source of potassium, magnesium, Vitamin E & fiber. It's Vitamin C content is twice that of an orange.

Apple: An apple a day keeps the doctor away? Although an apple has a low Vitamin C content, it has antioxidants & flavonoids which enhances the activity of Vitamin C thereby helping to lower the risks of colon cancer, heart attack & stroke.

Strawberry: Protective fruit. Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits & protects the body from cancer causing, blood vessels clogging free radicals. Actually, any berry is good for you sine they're high in anti-oxidants and they actually keep us young. Blueberries are the best and very versatile in the health field. They get rid of all the free-radicals that invade our bodies)

Orange: Sweetest medicine. Taking 2 - 4 oranges a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent & dissolve kidney stones as well as lessen the risk of colon cancer.

Watermelon: Coolest Thirst Quencher. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione which helps boost our immune system. They are also a key source of lycopene - the cancer fighting oxidant. Other nutrients found in watermelon are Vitamin C & Potassium. Watermelon also has natural substances [natural SPF sources] that keep our skin healthy, protecting our skin from those darn UV rays.

Guava & Papaya: Top awards for Vitamin C. They are the clear winners for their high Vitamin C content. Guava is also rich in fiber which helps prevent constipation. Papaya is rich in carotene, this is good for your eyes (also good for gas and indigestion).

Tomatoes: Are very good as a preventative measure for men, keeps those prostrate problems from invading their bodies.

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New Disease

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.

'What's the matter?' he asks.
'I have a case of anal glaucoma,' she says in a weak voice.
'What the hell is anal glaucoma?'
'I can't see my ass coming in to work today.

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Screen Cleaner

I know you don't clean your computer screen very often and its hard to do the inside, so click here to do the inside.

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Meet Molly

Meet Molly.She's a grey speckled pony who was abandoned by her owners when Hurricane Katrina hit southern Louisiana . She spent weeks on her own before finally being rescued and taken to a farm where abandoned animals were stockpiled. While there, she was attacked by a pit bull terrier and almost died. Her gnawed right front leg became infected, and her vet went to LSU for help, but LSU was overwhelmed, and this pony was a welfare case. You know how that goes.

But after surgeon Rustin Moore met Molly, he changed his mind.He saw how the pony was careful to lie down on different sides so she didn't seem to get sores, and how she allowed people to handle her.She protected her injured leg. She constantly shifted her weight and didn't overload her good leg. She was a smart pony with a serious survival ethic.

Moore agreed to remove her leg below the knee, and a temporary artificial limb was built. Molly walked out of the clinic and her story really begins there.

'This was the right horse and the right owner,' Moore insists. Molly happened to be a one-in-a-million patient. She's tough as nails, but sweet, and she was willing to cope with pain.

She made it obvious she understood that she was in trouble.The other important factor, according to Moore, is having a truly committed and compliant owner who is dedicated to providing the daily care required over the lifetime of the horse.

Molly's story turns into a parable for life in Post-Katrina Louisiana.... The little pony gained weight, and her mane finally felt a comb. A human prosthesis designer built her a leg.

The prosthetic has given Molly a whole new life, Allison Barca DVM, Molly's regular vet, reports.

And she asks for it. She will put her little limb out, and come to you and let you know that she wants you to put it on. Sometimes she wants you to take it off too. And sometimes, Molly gets away from Barca. 'It can be pretty bad when you can't catch a three-legged horse,' she laughs.

Most important of all, Molly has a job now. Kay, the rescue farm owner, started taking Molly to shelters, hospitals, nursing homes, and rehabilitation centers. Anywhere she thought that people needed hope. Wherever Molly went, she showed people her pluck. She inspired people, and she had a good time doing it.

'It's obvious to me that Molly had a bigger role to play in life, Moore said. She survived the hurricane, she survived a horrible injury, and now she is giving hope to others.'

Barca concluded, 'She's not back to normal, but she's going to be better.To me, she could be a symbol for New Orleans itself.'



This is Molly's most recent prosthesis. The bottom photo shows the ground surface that she stands on, which has a smiley face embossed in it.. Wherever Molly goes, she leaves a smiley hoof print behind.

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Give Up Wine?

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'

'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.

'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'

'Will you spend this on a beauty salon i nstead of food?' I asked.

'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'

'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'

I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

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Veterans of Foreign War Ear Protector

(UPDATE: I received an email from someone at the Veterans of Foreign Wars (I was shocked) who supplied me with a link to snopes.com about this post. You can check it out here: http://www.snopes.com/photos/politics/earflap.asp)

This man, 73, wears a protective flap over his ear while Senator Ted Kennedy, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton address the Veterans of Foreign Wars.

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